Don't Play Russian Roulette with Your Babies

 
In the game called Russian Roulette, a handgun with a revolving cylinder is loaded with a single bullet. The cylinder is spinned at random and the player fires the gun at his head. Two players take turns with the gun. Most of the time nothing happens. But, occasionally, the bullet gets aligned with the barrel and this is when the game ends...

My Grandparents and their children lived in a very small town in Poland. In 1939, one of their children, my uncle, warned the family and their neighbors that the Germans are about to invade. He begged his parents, his brothers, and his sisters to escape before it is too late. They wouldn't listen to him. At times they even ridiculed him. He decided to escape on his own and made it to Australia. He was the only one in the family who did not suffer through the holocaust that followed. My mother spent five years in various concentration camps and survived. But, my grandparents and most of my uncles and aunts were taken to Auschwitz...

My uncle was not a famous Rabbi, nor did he listen to the advice of those who said that his escape plan was foolish. He was a very wise man who knew that when Hashem sends warnings - we better listen and take action.

The same thing happened in Germany. In 1933 there were about half a million Jews in Germany. By 1941, 70% of them escaped to other countries. Of those who stayed in Germany, almost none survived the holocaust. Those who left knew that when  Hashem sends warnings - we better listen and take action.

Every few years, in New York, a large gathering of Rabbis and parents takes place. The purpose of the gathering is to pray for the recovery of many children who suffer from serious illnesses and birth defects. Prayers are said, Tehilim is recited, and every time the same parents come back again.

A Jewish religious farmer in Iowa once told me: "I would love to Daven and learn Torah all day. But, if I don't cultivate the land, plant the seed, and care for the crop, nothing will grow." The same is true with the health of our babies. Prayers are good. But, if we don't stop playing Russian roulette with their health before they are born, the problems will not go away.

Would anyone in his right mind play Russian roulette? Yet, almost all married couples play Russian roulette with the health of their babies.

In Bereshit ch.32 v.15, Rashi says: "A female animal, once it gets pregnant, no longer accepts a male." Animals have a natural instinct. They know what is right for them and they know what is right for their long-term survival. They know that in order to protect the health and survivability of their offsprings, they need to avoid acts which can hurt them. Animal females will not let anyone do anything which could hurt their babies. Why can't human females protect their babies at least as well as animal females?

When a young lady told me that she was pregnant for the first time, I taught the young couple what the Gemara in Massechet Niddah, page 31a, says about marital relations during pregnancy. I advised them to refrain from marital relations for a few months. They were shocked. They never heard of such a thing. They called a Rav who told them to ignore my advice - there is no obligation to pay attention to this Gemara. Two weeks later the young lady had a miscarriage. They played Russian roulette with their baby and lost.

Let's take a closer look at the Gemara, Massechet Niddah, page 31a:

"During the first three months of pregnancy, marital relations are bad for the woman and bad for the baby. During the middle three months, it is bad for the woman and good for the baby. During the last three months, it is good for the woman and good for the baby." Later on it says: "He who sleeps with his wife on day number 90 of the pregnancy is like a murderer (because it might kill the baby). How is someone supposed to know? (when is day number 90?) Answers Abaiei: Let him do it as usual and Hashem will protect the fools."

Fools might be protected, but all others are not. Day number 90 after conception is the day of maximum risk. This is a statistical observation. However, not all women and babies follow the same schedule. Some babies develop earlier than average, some develop later than average. Just like height, weight, and intelligence - no two children are exactly the same.

David Hamelech was very well aware of this risk. After his wife, Bat-Sheva, became pregnant with Shlomo, he did not touch her again until month number 7. As we all know, Shlomo Hamelech was the most intelligent person in history.

The AVERAGE day of maximum risk was day 90 at the time of the Gemara. Who knows what it is today? The Gemara also teaches us that not only day 90 is bad for marital relations. The entire period of the first three months is dangerous to the baby. Today we know that it takes approximately 3 months for all the body parts of the baby to develop. The slightest interruption to this critical development can cause non-repairable birth defects. The risk begins immediately after conception, keeps going up until day 90, then it starts going down. When does the risk go back down to zero? Nobody knows. David Hamelech did not take any risks. He waited until the seventh month.

The Zohar also warns people against this risk. At the beginning of Parashat Shmot the Zohar says that the three worst transgressions that a person can do: a) גילוי עריות , b) עבודה זרה , c) שפיכות דמים , are all relevant to the physical connection between a man and a woman. a) גילוי עריות  relates to the prohibition of connecting with a נדה. b) The prohibition of עבודה זרה relates to the prohibition of connecting with a non-Jewish woman. c) The prohibition of שפיכות דמים relates to the prohibition of a man connecting with his wife while she is pregnant during the period of risk. These three actions push Godliness away from this world and are the reason why people's prayers are not answered by God. The Jews merited to get out of Mitzraim because they refrained from these three prohibitions.

Now comes the real question. How much risk are we willing to take with the future health of our babies? Just like when playing Russian roulette. Most of the time nothing happens. But when something does happen, it is the poor baby who ends up paying the price. And, that's when prayers no longer help. The farmer who planted his field with rotten seeds can spend all his life praying for a good crop, yet nothing will grow. Ask any family with a baby who was born dead or with a birth defect. Would they be willing to give up a moment of pleasure if they knew what the price is going to be?

Don't play Russian roulette with your babies. 


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