Disclaimer: You are always responsible for your own
safety. This is not a substitute for professional health care. People
with medical conditions must follow the advice of their doctor.
.........................................................................................................
Introduction
Here is a very effective "Do it yourself" therapy process that helped many people with emotional difficulties. It may not be appropriate for everyone, especially those with extreme symptoms, but, for most people, it is very effective. To derive the most benefit from this process you must be sincerely interested in improving your life, and you have to cooperate with the instructions. Don't try to analyze or understand why. Just follow the instructions. Do not rush it and do not cheat.
The most difficult part is being honest with yourself. For many people, honesty is a big risk they are not willing to take. If you really want to be happier in life, you must be willing to take the risk of honesty. If you are not willing to take this risk, this process will not work for you. And, by the way, professional therapy will not work either. The unwillingness to be honest with yourself is probably the most common reason people spend years and thousands of dollars in therapy, with little or no results.
One way to describe how this process works is to think of a person who is sinking into quicksand. We can throw the person a rope, but it is up to the person to catch the rope. If the person catches the rope - he can be pulled out and be saved. This process is the rope. If you want to be happier in life, you better catch the rope. Cooperate with the instruction and have the courage to be honest.
This process is good for many kinds of emotional difficulties we encounter in life. You don't need to be diagnosed with anything and you may not need any kind of therapy. But, you do need a desire to improve something in your life. It is also a very effective process, with some adjustments, for solving Shlom-Bayit (marital) problems.
Do yourself a favor. If you choose to ask your therapist or psychologist for advice on this process, remember that they stand to lose thousands of dollars if you get better and happier in life. What kind of advice do you think they will give you when they see their livelihood threatened? Degreed and licensed professionals are seldom trained to heal. They are trained to treat, and treat, and treat, and treat, forever. In Hebrew "Rofeh" (medical doctor) means "healer". In a western culture, calling a degreed professional a "healer" is an insult...
Thousands of people have been healed from emotional and psychosomatic problems within a few days. Every time I hear of people spending years in therapy I feel so sorry for them.
Before you start any of the following steps, make sure to protect yourself from interruptions. Take your phone off the hook or turn it off. For women, it may be better not to engage in this process during days of higher bodily sensitivity and during the first four months of pregnancy. Strong emotions may sometimes trigger undesirable effects. If you have a medical condition that may be triggered by emotions, keep your medicines and a phone nearby in case you need to call for help.
This process is organized in steps. Read all the instructions in the step you are taking and make sure you understand what you need to do before you start. If any word in the instructions is not understood, open a dictionary, don't be lazy. It may be a good idea to read the instructions for the step several times. For your benefit, we strongly advise you not to read ahead into a following step, until you finished with the previous step. Reading ahead can reduce the effectiveness of this process. We know you are curious, but, again, for your own benefit, simply follow the instructions. Get a pen and a lot of writing paper, and prepare yourself for a very interesting journey.
Step 1
Write down every thought and emotion that comes to mind regarding your relationships with your parents. Write it down as soon as a thought comes to mind. Good thoughts and bad thoughts. It does not matter if it is true or imaginary. It does not matter if it is a "prohibited" thought or a "kosher" thought. Don't analyze the thoughts. Don't filter or sort out the thoughts. Just write them down. Talk from your heart not from your head. It is like peeling an onion - every layer must be taken off before you can get to the next layer. Leaving a layer on, hoping to avoid it because it is too painful or shameful will slow down or prevent your progress. If thoughts come up regarding other people who had a positive or negative effect on your life, write them down too. Every thought is a layer on the onion that needs to be peeled off. The worst mistake you can make is avoiding the painful thoughts. The more painful it gets, the better it is for you.
You know you are on the right track when you start to cry, get fearful, or get angry. That's what we are looking for. When strong emotions come up - keep going, don't stop. The most common emotions are crying, fear, and anger. Yes, I know it is painful. But, when your mother gave birth to you, wasn't it painful for her too? How would you feel if your mother decided to stop because it hurts too much? You must keep pushing all the way. Sometimes emotions come up so fast and so strong that you can't write. That's OK. Say them out loud.
Imagine that your father or mother sit in front of you, and say everything you would not dare to say if they were really there. You must say it all. Not saying or writing something because it is inappropriate, is a terrible mistake.
Focus on the thoughts and emotions you try to avoid. These are the important ones. The most important factor of success is being honest with yourself. Be honest , write or say what is on your mind. Don't try to be polite or nice. We are looking for the most painful, most shameful, and most "prohibited" thoughts that you can imagine. The worse the emotion - the better you will get. Don't ask a Rabbi if you are allowed to think or talk like that. This is therapy - this is not normal everyday life. A surgeon doing surgery is allowed to stick a knife into a person even though others may not do the same. The more prohibited the thought is - the more important it is for you to write it down. Remember, every thought you don't dare to write down is an obstacle to your future emotional health. Keep writing until there is nothing more to say or write down.
Sometimes you may feel that there is another person, not a parent, that you want to deal with. That's OK. Say or write everything that comes to mind regarding that person too. If you want to alternate between your father, mother, or another person, that's fine - as long as you are not trying to avoid one of them. If you want to avoid someone - go back and focus on that person. Those who we try to avoid are those who are most important to deal with.
It's OK to take a break, especially after a strong burst of emotions. You don't have to finish it all in one day either. After you take a break, you may find that more thoughts and emotions come to mind. That's good. Write them down.
If you feel that you must stop or else you will go crazy, that's a good sign. It means that you are approaching a breakthrough but are afraid to deal with it. Don't give up. President Lincoln lost 27 elections for various positions before he became president. He did not give up. It may feel like being deep inside a never ending tunnel. Remember, at the end of every tunnel there is light, but you must keep going to get to the light.
What to do if strong emotions don't come up? Keep writing until you have nothing more to say or write. If you feel stressed, fearful, angry, or upset, you are not finished yet. Try to write down more thoughts until there is, honestly, nothing more to add and you are confident that you are not hiding or avoiding anything. If you feel happy and good about yourself, you may stop at this point.
You may now be ready for the next step. Don't start the next step on the same day. Wait at least one day before you go to the next step.
Do not read further until you finish, really finish, with step 1.
Remember, we strongly advise you not to read ahead into a following step. Reading ahead can reduce the effectiveness of this process. We know you are curious, but, again, for your own benefit, simply follow the instructions.
Step 2
Read each of the following questions out loud, say an answer out loud, and write it down. (Write only the answers, not the questions.) Go in order, around and around, and repeat it many many times: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, etc. Fifty cycles like that are not too many. Some people have run it for more than a hundred cycles.
Crying is normal and expected. Painful emotions are to be expected. If you don't feel any painful emotions, then, you are not sufficiently honest with yourself. Keep pushing through the tunnel of painful emotions until you get to the light. It is extremely rare not to cry during this step. If you don't cry, you are most likely avoiding a problem or are not sufficiently honest with yourself.
Ask yourself the following questions. Read each question loud. Say each answer out loud and/or write it on paper. Then, go the next question.
1. What have you done to your father ?
2. What are you hiding from your father ?3. What has your father done to you ?
4. What have you done to your mother ?
5. What are you hiding from your mother ?6. What has your mother done to you ?
If you want to change the order of the questions after several cycles, that's fine. If you feel you want to focus on one particular question, that's fine, as long as you are not avoiding the painful ones. The more painful a question feels, the more important it is to focus on it. If you cheat, it is your future happiness that you cheat yourself out of. Be honest with yourself. Focus mostly on the questions that you want to avoid.Answer the questions honestly. This is not a police interrogation. No one will punish you for being honest with yourself.
Note: If the thought of adding a particular person to the list comes to mind, you will be able to add this person in Step 3. In the mean time try to focus on your parents. If you feel that you must add another person to these questions (for example, if you have been victimized by someone or have hurt someone) it's OK to skip to Step 3.
In this step, the same rules apply as in Step 1. Focus on the people, thoughts, and emotions you try to avoid. Don't try to be polite or nice. We are looking for the most painful, most shameful, and most "prohibited" answers that you can imagine. Remember, every question you don't dare to ask and every answer you don't dare to write down is an obstacle to your future emotional health.
Get it all out on paper.
The same instructions given in step 1 apply here. It's OK to take a break; you don't have to finish it all in one day; keep pushing through the tunnel of painful emotions until you get to the light.
Keep going until there is, honestly, nothing more to add and you are confident that you are not hiding or avoiding anything. If you feel happy and good about yourself, you may stop at this point.Reminder: Crying is normal and expected. Painful emotions are to be expected. If you don't feel any painful emotions, then, you are not sufficiently honest with yourself. It is extremely rare not to cry during this step. If you don't cry, you are most likely avoiding a problem or are not sufficiently honest with yourself.
Step 3
This step is similar to Step 2. You may add other people to the list of questions. For example:
What have you done to your brother/sister ?
What are you hiding from your brother/sister ?What has your brother/sister done to you ?
or:
What have you done to your uncle ?
What are you hiding from your uncle ?
What has your uncle done to you ?
or:
What have you done to (name or description of person) ?
What are you hiding from (name or description of person) ?What has (name or description of person) done to you ?
Feel free to add as many people as you want, as long as your father and mother remain on the list. Keep going around the cycle or focus on one particular person as many times as you can, until you get completely bored with the questions and have, honestly, nothing more to ask or say.
If you quarrel with your husband, focus on the following questions:What have you done to your husband ?
What are you hiding from your husband ?
What has your husband done to you ?
If you quarrel with your wife, focus on the following questions:
What have you done to your wife ?
What are you hiding from your wife ?
What has your wife done to you ?
Answer the questions honestly. This is not a police interrogation. No one will punish you for being honest with yourself.
Important note: If the thought of adding a particular person to the list comes to mind, but, you prefer to avoid it, you MUST add this person to the list. The people you avoid hold the key to your emotional health. Don't avoid them - don't destroy your life.
In this step, the same rules apply as in step 1. Focus on the people, thoughts, and emotions you try to avoid. Don't try to be polite or nice. We are looking for the most painful, most shameful, and most "prohibited" answers that you can imagine. Remember, every question you don't dare to ask and every answer you don't dare to voice or write down is an obstacle to your future emotional health.
Get it all out on paper.
The same instructions given in step 1 apply here. It's OK to take a break; you don't have to finish it all in one day; keep pushing through the tunnel of painful emotions until you get to the light.
Keep going until there is, honestly, nothing more to add and you are confident that you are not hiding or avoiding anything. If you feel happy and good about yourself, you may take a break at this point.
After taking a break, sometimes other people come to mind that may need to be added to the list of questions. Write down who they are, add them to the list, and ask yourself the relevant questions again.
Reminder: Crying is normal and expected. Painful emotions are to be expected. If you don't feel any painful emotions, then, you are not sufficiently honest with yourself. It is extremely rare not to cry during this step. If you don't cry, you are most likely avoiding a problem or are not sufficiently honest with yourself.
.........................................................................................................
Introduction
Here is a very effective "Do it yourself" therapy process that helped many people with emotional difficulties. It may not be appropriate for everyone, especially those with extreme symptoms, but, for most people, it is very effective. To derive the most benefit from this process you must be sincerely interested in improving your life, and you have to cooperate with the instructions. Don't try to analyze or understand why. Just follow the instructions. Do not rush it and do not cheat.
The most difficult part is being honest with yourself. For many people, honesty is a big risk they are not willing to take. If you really want to be happier in life, you must be willing to take the risk of honesty. If you are not willing to take this risk, this process will not work for you. And, by the way, professional therapy will not work either. The unwillingness to be honest with yourself is probably the most common reason people spend years and thousands of dollars in therapy, with little or no results.
One way to describe how this process works is to think of a person who is sinking into quicksand. We can throw the person a rope, but it is up to the person to catch the rope. If the person catches the rope - he can be pulled out and be saved. This process is the rope. If you want to be happier in life, you better catch the rope. Cooperate with the instruction and have the courage to be honest.
This process is good for many kinds of emotional difficulties we encounter in life. You don't need to be diagnosed with anything and you may not need any kind of therapy. But, you do need a desire to improve something in your life. It is also a very effective process, with some adjustments, for solving Shlom-Bayit (marital) problems.
Do yourself a favor. If you choose to ask your therapist or psychologist for advice on this process, remember that they stand to lose thousands of dollars if you get better and happier in life. What kind of advice do you think they will give you when they see their livelihood threatened? Degreed and licensed professionals are seldom trained to heal. They are trained to treat, and treat, and treat, and treat, forever. In Hebrew "Rofeh" (medical doctor) means "healer". In a western culture, calling a degreed professional a "healer" is an insult...
Thousands of people have been healed from emotional and psychosomatic problems within a few days. Every time I hear of people spending years in therapy I feel so sorry for them.
Before you start any of the following steps, make sure to protect yourself from interruptions. Take your phone off the hook or turn it off. For women, it may be better not to engage in this process during days of higher bodily sensitivity and during the first four months of pregnancy. Strong emotions may sometimes trigger undesirable effects. If you have a medical condition that may be triggered by emotions, keep your medicines and a phone nearby in case you need to call for help.
This process is organized in steps. Read all the instructions in the step you are taking and make sure you understand what you need to do before you start. If any word in the instructions is not understood, open a dictionary, don't be lazy. It may be a good idea to read the instructions for the step several times. For your benefit, we strongly advise you not to read ahead into a following step, until you finished with the previous step. Reading ahead can reduce the effectiveness of this process. We know you are curious, but, again, for your own benefit, simply follow the instructions. Get a pen and a lot of writing paper, and prepare yourself for a very interesting journey.
Step 1
Write down every thought and emotion that comes to mind regarding your relationships with your parents. Write it down as soon as a thought comes to mind. Good thoughts and bad thoughts. It does not matter if it is true or imaginary. It does not matter if it is a "prohibited" thought or a "kosher" thought. Don't analyze the thoughts. Don't filter or sort out the thoughts. Just write them down. Talk from your heart not from your head. It is like peeling an onion - every layer must be taken off before you can get to the next layer. Leaving a layer on, hoping to avoid it because it is too painful or shameful will slow down or prevent your progress. If thoughts come up regarding other people who had a positive or negative effect on your life, write them down too. Every thought is a layer on the onion that needs to be peeled off. The worst mistake you can make is avoiding the painful thoughts. The more painful it gets, the better it is for you.
You know you are on the right track when you start to cry, get fearful, or get angry. That's what we are looking for. When strong emotions come up - keep going, don't stop. The most common emotions are crying, fear, and anger. Yes, I know it is painful. But, when your mother gave birth to you, wasn't it painful for her too? How would you feel if your mother decided to stop because it hurts too much? You must keep pushing all the way. Sometimes emotions come up so fast and so strong that you can't write. That's OK. Say them out loud.
Imagine that your father or mother sit in front of you, and say everything you would not dare to say if they were really there. You must say it all. Not saying or writing something because it is inappropriate, is a terrible mistake.
Focus on the thoughts and emotions you try to avoid. These are the important ones. The most important factor of success is being honest with yourself. Be honest , write or say what is on your mind. Don't try to be polite or nice. We are looking for the most painful, most shameful, and most "prohibited" thoughts that you can imagine. The worse the emotion - the better you will get. Don't ask a Rabbi if you are allowed to think or talk like that. This is therapy - this is not normal everyday life. A surgeon doing surgery is allowed to stick a knife into a person even though others may not do the same. The more prohibited the thought is - the more important it is for you to write it down. Remember, every thought you don't dare to write down is an obstacle to your future emotional health. Keep writing until there is nothing more to say or write down.
Sometimes you may feel that there is another person, not a parent, that you want to deal with. That's OK. Say or write everything that comes to mind regarding that person too. If you want to alternate between your father, mother, or another person, that's fine - as long as you are not trying to avoid one of them. If you want to avoid someone - go back and focus on that person. Those who we try to avoid are those who are most important to deal with.
It's OK to take a break, especially after a strong burst of emotions. You don't have to finish it all in one day either. After you take a break, you may find that more thoughts and emotions come to mind. That's good. Write them down.
If you feel that you must stop or else you will go crazy, that's a good sign. It means that you are approaching a breakthrough but are afraid to deal with it. Don't give up. President Lincoln lost 27 elections for various positions before he became president. He did not give up. It may feel like being deep inside a never ending tunnel. Remember, at the end of every tunnel there is light, but you must keep going to get to the light.
What to do if strong emotions don't come up? Keep writing until you have nothing more to say or write. If you feel stressed, fearful, angry, or upset, you are not finished yet. Try to write down more thoughts until there is, honestly, nothing more to add and you are confident that you are not hiding or avoiding anything. If you feel happy and good about yourself, you may stop at this point.
You may now be ready for the next step. Don't start the next step on the same day. Wait at least one day before you go to the next step.
Do not read further until you finish, really finish, with step 1.
Remember, we strongly advise you not to read ahead into a following step. Reading ahead can reduce the effectiveness of this process. We know you are curious, but, again, for your own benefit, simply follow the instructions.
Step 2
Read each of the following questions out loud, say an answer out loud, and write it down. (Write only the answers, not the questions.) Go in order, around and around, and repeat it many many times: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, etc. Fifty cycles like that are not too many. Some people have run it for more than a hundred cycles.
Crying is normal and expected. Painful emotions are to be expected. If you don't feel any painful emotions, then, you are not sufficiently honest with yourself. Keep pushing through the tunnel of painful emotions until you get to the light. It is extremely rare not to cry during this step. If you don't cry, you are most likely avoiding a problem or are not sufficiently honest with yourself.
Ask yourself the following questions. Read each question loud. Say each answer out loud and/or write it on paper. Then, go the next question.
1. What have you done to your father ?
2. What are you hiding from your father ?3. What has your father done to you ?
4. What have you done to your mother ?
5. What are you hiding from your mother ?6. What has your mother done to you ?
If you want to change the order of the questions after several cycles, that's fine. If you feel you want to focus on one particular question, that's fine, as long as you are not avoiding the painful ones. The more painful a question feels, the more important it is to focus on it. If you cheat, it is your future happiness that you cheat yourself out of. Be honest with yourself. Focus mostly on the questions that you want to avoid.Answer the questions honestly. This is not a police interrogation. No one will punish you for being honest with yourself.
Note: If the thought of adding a particular person to the list comes to mind, you will be able to add this person in Step 3. In the mean time try to focus on your parents. If you feel that you must add another person to these questions (for example, if you have been victimized by someone or have hurt someone) it's OK to skip to Step 3.
In this step, the same rules apply as in Step 1. Focus on the people, thoughts, and emotions you try to avoid. Don't try to be polite or nice. We are looking for the most painful, most shameful, and most "prohibited" answers that you can imagine. Remember, every question you don't dare to ask and every answer you don't dare to write down is an obstacle to your future emotional health.
Get it all out on paper.
The same instructions given in step 1 apply here. It's OK to take a break; you don't have to finish it all in one day; keep pushing through the tunnel of painful emotions until you get to the light.
Keep going until there is, honestly, nothing more to add and you are confident that you are not hiding or avoiding anything. If you feel happy and good about yourself, you may stop at this point.Reminder: Crying is normal and expected. Painful emotions are to be expected. If you don't feel any painful emotions, then, you are not sufficiently honest with yourself. It is extremely rare not to cry during this step. If you don't cry, you are most likely avoiding a problem or are not sufficiently honest with yourself.
Step 3
This step is similar to Step 2. You may add other people to the list of questions. For example:
What have you done to your brother/sister ?
What are you hiding from your brother/sister ?What has your brother/sister done to you ?
or:
What have you done to your uncle ?
What are you hiding from your uncle ?
What has your uncle done to you ?
or:
What have you done to (name or description of person) ?
What are you hiding from (name or description of person) ?What has (name or description of person) done to you ?
Feel free to add as many people as you want, as long as your father and mother remain on the list. Keep going around the cycle or focus on one particular person as many times as you can, until you get completely bored with the questions and have, honestly, nothing more to ask or say.
If you quarrel with your husband, focus on the following questions:What have you done to your husband ?
What are you hiding from your husband ?
What has your husband done to you ?
If you quarrel with your wife, focus on the following questions:
What have you done to your wife ?
What are you hiding from your wife ?
What has your wife done to you ?
Answer the questions honestly. This is not a police interrogation. No one will punish you for being honest with yourself.
Important note: If the thought of adding a particular person to the list comes to mind, but, you prefer to avoid it, you MUST add this person to the list. The people you avoid hold the key to your emotional health. Don't avoid them - don't destroy your life.
In this step, the same rules apply as in step 1. Focus on the people, thoughts, and emotions you try to avoid. Don't try to be polite or nice. We are looking for the most painful, most shameful, and most "prohibited" answers that you can imagine. Remember, every question you don't dare to ask and every answer you don't dare to voice or write down is an obstacle to your future emotional health.
Get it all out on paper.
The same instructions given in step 1 apply here. It's OK to take a break; you don't have to finish it all in one day; keep pushing through the tunnel of painful emotions until you get to the light.
Keep going until there is, honestly, nothing more to add and you are confident that you are not hiding or avoiding anything. If you feel happy and good about yourself, you may take a break at this point.
After taking a break, sometimes other people come to mind that may need to be added to the list of questions. Write down who they are, add them to the list, and ask yourself the relevant questions again.
Reminder: Crying is normal and expected. Painful emotions are to be expected. If you don't feel any painful emotions, then, you are not sufficiently honest with yourself. It is extremely rare not to cry during this step. If you don't cry, you are most likely avoiding a problem or are not sufficiently honest with yourself.
